I titled this initially LESSONS Vs EMPATHY but here is why.
See eh, I know we all say, when something goes wrong, pick the L (lessons) and heal. While it holds true and works for many, it doesn’t work for many others. Lol
I have been trying to explain this to Ste (remember him?) here but he isn’t understanding my situation yet.
From the first time I said yes to a relationship (I was 26) and got cheated on because we had agreed on ‘no sex’ ooo (funny right?) to the last relationship yet, I have always quit relationships in an uncanny manner, every one of them. I will get to the point where I decide it is best to return to natural single mode than be neither here or there and keep wasting his time and mine.
So most women know when it’s over, even when you don’t say it, Ste.
I always will know when I have walked into a trap or when it should have ended and I will usually be the civil one to say ‘we are better as buddies’ and run.
I run and never look back…well, apart from one that made me keep wishing we can start afresh. My hugely dependent lovey dovey self was at work not me. Kikikikiki
Well, back to the story. I have learnt a life time of lessons about an average single man, especially in Nigeria, and come off with deep EMPATHY that could never let me sleep or think straight. I still do. I decode and see through the seeming remote-controlled helplessness most men live in.
From when I was a child. It was an experiment for me to study men, not to have sex (just because) and not to have boy friends (when its not like its marriage we want)…because people around me were sexualized (just like in your world) and I thought ‘what a heck, No’.
I keep learning about myself and more so about the struggles that men face…I know those who would not accept to access help and those gasping for breath to live a more in-charge lifestyle.
I have come to the conclusion that there is a deep cry for help from the men camp for centuries that we all shut our ears to. Ideologies haven’t helped here too.
Ste, some women know that you are broken too, you have issues from upbringing, peers and bad sexual experiences from those older ‘Aunties’, mental pressure to pretend to be alright (who can act for a lifetime?) and many things you can’t even explain.
So calm down. You see what I did with all my deep sad feelings for how most men fare?
I broke the jinx!
I spoke up for men since 2016 and have had to midwife relationships, new marriages, help break toxic ties and be the go-to-confidant for single men especially when they have a girl opinion to make. A position I hold with honour.
My super power is that I don’t sugar coat it, I see the situation like ‘your girl’ and so can xray the matter more maturedly and tell you the truth. I also do this while raising your confidence even more (I guess I have a charm with this).
I’m not the Guys’ bae for nothing, empathy earned me that title.
If you need help with surprising your girl this Valentine on a lighter note or need to find your congruence (check the meaning), I am a chat away via firstname.lastname@example.org
PS: Ste is a male personae that my work addresses