WHO PUT US IN THIS INHUMANE TRAP? Weird question, huh?
Well, I had a conversation with a dear someone recently about emotions and how being ‘too emotional’ could make someone a mess…
In his opinion, being too emotional (affectionate, really) and showing it in a relationship makes girls take advantage of you (he is a man). He told how he had suffered in the hands of a cheating girlfriend and how that experience left a big scar on him almost a decade after.
No more relationships for him since then…only flings, he finished.
He said, like other men (generalisation) he has decided to not love absolutely and to toughen up so his heart is never broken again.
Well, as we communicated, I made him see how my own love emotion seem to rule all aspects of my life, and how I will move on from a relationship and not look back, despite the fact that I usually will give my all, even friends may think I was ‘used’ or I played ‘saviour’.
Usually when a relationship becomes unhealthy for me, work and all other aspect suffers…so I mastered how to pick the lessons, forgive myself quickly and the person, and move on.
Not so easy for most people, I know. But here is my plug – Meaning.
I call it my strength. To love deeply, absolutely, and without reservations is strength, not weakness.
Weakness is denying how you really feel because of FEAR and insecurity. It is saying ‘I love you’ even when you meant ‘I just wanna f$%k you and move on’, it is staying in a relationship you know you have emotionally checked out of and see no future with, etc and this weakness shows up in many forms.
So many forms we have tagged as ‘being sharp’, ‘living life’ and all, but we know in our quiet moments we really wish we can say our truth, be free, attract our kind, have meaningful relationships, and communicate without choosing our words or watching our backs.
The art of finding self, not being afraid to be you and living life without postponing it as if we are sure we won’t regret these phases of our lives, is liberating.
Being authentic and loving wholly is strength.
Being able to sit down with her or him (in some cases) and say ‘it has been great on this relationship with you, but I think we can be better as just friends, as this relationship may not serve our future’ and jettisoning the negative voices of ‘what people will say’ is indeed the kind of strength our world needs.
The strength of making vows of ‘for better, for worse…leaving all other woman/man and clinging to only you…’, and meaning it, is liberating.
Strength is in knowing that those vows don’t echo your values and so not bother with making it a ceremony, but getting ‘married’ as you both really want, without it -well, since you don’t mean it. After all open marriages are a thing (even though this kind of weakness I speak of, hasn’t allowed us acknowledge it) and if agreed on, both partners can live happy.
This kind of strength I write of, will help us love our value-system-kinds, live fuller lives than get mismatched in relationships and end up in near catastrophic marriages because we couldn’t gather the strength to be authentic and believe for a fact that some one (in fact millions) are just ready to love us, with all our fetishes intact.
There’s a man or woman who also finds monogamy (for example) boring, or can’t imagine getting married and having kids, amongst other unconventional preferences.
If you do not believe in monogamy, and haven’t gotten the strength of will to stick with a partner, it is laughable with its attendant pain to get into a relationship and marriage with another human being whose prayer is to build and support a monogamous union and pursue purpose through it.
It truncates life indeed.
Find your groove. Someone will play the tunes happily with you.
It starts with dropping the weakness of will that has kept you trapped in pleasing other people.
Go, you are more powerful than you think and God loves you just like you are, right now.
Did this even make sense to you?
Do let me know in the comments now
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