Categories
Men Code Hacks SINGLE MEN

Happy 2020 and Why You Matter as a Single Man

You are such a great man! Gosh!

You had to find your way to my blog even as a  new year dawns? It shows the kind of man you are.

This is the platform for powerful grounded men who are looking forward to falling in love, being in love, spreading love and building a happy family soon.

Does that describe you? Then welcome heartily.

It doesn’t describe you, maybe because you think “Jenny, you don’t even know what I have been through. I have never been loved, and I don’t think I am ready for that sh*t even” you are still in good company. Trust me.

My work is to celebrate your wins with you (no one does anything better than you, since they can never be you; that’s a plus) and also share insights with you to help you validate your decisions, choose happiness, love a woman right, choose a wife that will give you peace and build a family of children who are positive influences.

I am sure you may be wondering, “how do you intend to do these Jenny” and I will give you a clue:

Since 2012, I have led safe spaces and support groups for men from all walks of life – those groups have saved marriages, lives, and strengthened men in situations they may have given up. 

I have also been part of a research on masculinity in my country, check #BeingAManInNigeria online, and have advocated that men empowerment is a critical ingredient for a healthy gender balance and if marriages will continue to thrive.

I have also been leading a group of over 620 men in what is known now as the Men Code Movement on Facebook, culled from my first affirmation book.

How did I get into this space?

From my teens till late 20s, I committed not to get into any romantic relationship because I saw the craze for dating, heartbreaks, and the the unfulfillment that many who did had, and I just wanted to know ‘why’.

Laugh at me, all you want. lol

In my observation mode, I noticed among many complexities that there is a rising misunderstanding that men had  about women and vice versa.

Major is that, women believed men ‘knew it all’ as in, men do not need support and empowerment (organisations like the UN and groups don’t make it even easier), and when some men abdicate their role in a relationship or marriage, it is believed that they absolutely deliberately wanted to inflict pain on a woman – which is rather wrong. I saw that it was rather fear and inability to confide in anyone about the personal wars they deal with, that made some men to dodge amongst other internal conflicts that came from upbringing, environment, and significant emotional experiences.

Men on the other hand, think women are complicated, insatiable and most times, only need to be ‘bought’ over to loyalty and then they expect women to provide sex and serve them as men. Also, the average 21st century man is hugely confused about the rise of the 21st century woman who is more aware, and is almost unsure what to do ‘with her’.

It became even more excited as I further studied human behaviour vs gender roles and their fallouts as the 21st century dawned with more philosophies.

I began dating officially at 28 years old and got engaged but quit at 31.

Then again, I experienced sex just before my 32nd birthday (an act I regret, I thought, why give it up out of curiosity when I could keep it till marriage –hehehe, no more regrets now), got into another relationship and two more, all poised to lead to marriage but never did…because I left…(I always will leave when I got frustrated or couldn’t deal with ‘sex’ and ‘delay’ anymore).

I learnt even more about this ‘deep’ fear that most men feel – I daresay all humans. My relationships were learning grounds for me to understanding men even more closely. I remember one of my bestie exes burst into tears once and cried saying “I am afraid” and can’t seem to know what next to do” during my asking – when are we moving things to the next level?. I was so shocked, and had to switch to consolation mode instead. #InsideLife (Like Nigerians will say)

Relating with men became more interesting.

I began to empathise and see the world differently and started asking ‘why nots’…I fought gender stereotypical behaviours that put many of us in bondage and made us deny our truths.

I saw why there are so many mismatches in marriages, due to suppressed value systems, clash of values and the glamourisation of society wedding and the unwritten template of what a wife material should be, amongst others.

In my generation, especially in this decade now passing, the highest rate of divorce and separation with its attendant emotionally-strained children hit our African continent more than ever before…and I thought we just have singles to the rescue – to avert more damage, if possible.

Then I decided to deal with my own fears – the fears that kept me timid, bashful, insignificant, needing validation for my awesomeness, staying longer in bad jobs and around toxic people etc…I had to deal with them, and still in process.

I went to learn therapy, got taught Neurolinguistic Programing tools, got some more learning and a certification in Fear Mastery coaching and Therapy, before deciding that this gender I feel so much empathy for, will get my focus.

I believe that you as a soon-to-be ‘leader at home’ are the most critical personality in a relationship/marriage, as your capacity will determine the growth expression and experiences of your wife, children and associates through life.

You are very important in the scheme of things. Your role will determine the rise or not of your nation in all facets.

In 2016, I sat down with a Life purpose clarity coach, Peterson Adeniyi and my Life mission beeped “Men, Youth and married coupled” as major life constituents to serve, thus this revamped blog and my mission.

I began blogging in 2009, and after blogging several niches, I am here focused on Men’s life and Relationship after 10 years.

I have never been so sure I got your back as a man than now. 

On this blog, I will be sharing with you hacks to get ‘her’, fund your happiness and keep ‘her’ as well.

I look forward to hearing what topics you want me to handle or questions you have, and I will deal with them.

The first step is to reevaluate your life, choose your happiness and get ready to choose a wife, the right way – your way.

Get my free checklist HERE NOW 

Happy New year!!!

Chat with you soon!

 

 

*The Guys’ Bae,

Jenny

By Jenny Chisom

Jenny Chisom is a pro blogger, digital entrepreneur passionate about building strong family units and a Fear Mastery therapist and coach working directly with men in support, inspiration, development and empowerment.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *